


flowers and blood.

by azuriri



Category: Dr. STONE (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, Freeform, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Pining Stanley Snyder, Sad with a Happy Ending, TW: Blood, Unrequited Love, hanahaki disease au, poor attempt at writing angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26840362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azuriri/pseuds/azuriri
Summary: Broken and despairing, Stanley hides the fact that flowers have been growing in his lungs. He hides the fact that he’s dying and can only cope with it by smoking... even though it speeds up his demise.All for someone who doesn’t love him back. But Stanley would rather die than stop loving him.
Relationships: Stanley Snyder & Dr. Xeno, Stanley Snyder/Dr. Xeno
Comments: 7
Kudos: 40





	flowers and blood.

**Author's Note:**

> just warning y'all: absolute shitty timeline. like it's all over the place. i'm sorry. 
> 
> also added some original aspects to the hanahaki au like smoking worsens the condition
> 
> as for the military part, i watched some clips of the training that the marines go through in their boot camp (i think stanley is in the marines because in the flashback it looked like he was wearing the marines dress uniform, i dont know, im not american so i really had to research these things)

As best friends, Stanley and Xeno never hide anything from each other. Hardships, pain, achievements and victories, they knew it everything. They promised after all, that they would never hide anything from each other, no matter the consequence. 

But Stanley broke that promise. He had to, there was no way he was going to tell Xeno. Well, what kind of secret is big enough to keep from Xeno, his best friend since grade school? Stanley was in love with Xeno and Stanley was scared. Utterly terrified.

Scared of the future of their relationship. Scared of what Xeno would think. Scared of everything about it because Stan never experienced love before. Love was such a foreign concept to Stanley that he just associated it with really enjoying something. Like he loved playing video games, he loved gym class, he loved to smoke (even though it is bad for him and he knows it), he loved to tease Xeno about his science ramblings, he loved the look of excitement in Xeno’s face when his project works or when Stanley agrees to help him, he loved...

“We’ve finally graduated high school isn’t that amazing Stan!” Xeno laughs as the two of them finally met up after getting their diplomas. 

“Yeah, finally out of that garbage place,” Stanley chuckles, lighting a cigarette he hid in his graduation robe to smoke later out of sight of the teachers and his parents. To blow his cover now would not be good. Though he is pretty sure a lot of the teachers already knew he smoked and his mom was somewhat suspicious of him whenever he came back home after he had a quick smoke.

“Oh it wasn’t that bad Stan,” Xeno rolls his eyes as he takes a nice long look at his diploma. Xeno knew of Stanley’s distaste for school and tried desperately to make Stanley enjoy it. But academics were not Stanley’s thing. He could study for hours and not understand the concepts. Sciences? Forget it, to Stanley was a lost cause. He was somewhat good at math but clearly not as good as Xeno who miraculously could do the calculations in his head (and still get it right!) Despite Xeno being as smart as he is, none of Xeno’s influences made it to Stanley’s head. School wasn’t for him. He wasn’t wired to be academically smart. 

“Says the kid who got the Principal’s award for getting nothing but 100s in their classes,” Stanley scoffs as he takes a drag from the cigarette. He lets it linger in his chest for a while before breathing it out, watching the grey smoke leave his mouth and disappear into the air.

“Well you got Athlete of the year. That’s something,” Xeno counters, waving the smoke from his face. For someone who complains that second-hand smoke is worse than actually smoking, Xeno seemed to be ignoring that fact. It wasn’t like Stanley forced him to come, he just told Xeno that he was going to go for a smoke and Xeno followed. 

“Not if our school places last in every tournament.” If Stanley was gifted at anything in life, that would be his natural athleticism. Any physical activity was in his domain, much like how science would be in Xeno’s domain.

Between the two boys, silence lingered as Stanley continued to smoke the rest of his cigarette. He only started in his last year of high school. Cornering a sophomore known to sell drugs when Stanley was skipping a class, Stanley bought a pack of cigarettes for fairly cheap. Though Stanley still thought he paid more for than it was worth because the flavour was just so shitty. Stanley would rather just risk it and buy the cigarettes himself. When Xeno caught Stanley smoking, Xeno was displeased to hear that Stanley even tried it but was absolutely horrified when he managed to get Stanley to admit that he was addicted to it at that point. God, the all the anti-smoking campaigns Xeno made Stanley sit through were the worst of it. He already saw enough of those in his gym classes.

To Xeno, the reason why Stan started smoking was because he was bored and wanted to try it out. But to Stanley, the reason he started smoking was to get rid of that feeling in his chest whenever he was around Xeno. Stanley never felt it before. Never felt that longing and (surprisingly) pain in his chest whenever he was with Xeno. All Stanley could do was think why it was happening now and not before. Afterall, they’ve known each other for at least ten years. So why now?

Stanley did ask Xeno about it and out of concern he scheduled a doctor’s appointment for Stanley. The appointment was useless, Stanley thought in the beginning but he still went because he knew Xeno would stop at nothing until he actually went. Originally the plan was to bring Xeno along with him but Xeno had some sort of science club project thing he had to do so Stanley went alone. 

The doctor’s office was overall bleak and grey. There was no reason Stanley needed to go but amidst his contemplation, the receptionist called his name and led him towards an examination room. 

The last time Stanley was in an examination room was when he was in middle school and his mom brought him to get his flu shot. The weird examination table was an old and worn out maroon and the paper was laid on top of it. When he was a kid, he would sit on top of it but now that he was seventeen, he decided it was more mature of him to sit on the chair until the doctor came. 

Waiting for the doctor made Stanley regret his decision to come even more. He should’ve just told Xeno that he went and that it was nothing. He’d just have to deal with the pain in his chest. It wasn’t like it was going to kill him. Stanley, afterall, has a high pain tolerance thanks to his participation in sports. 

The door creaked open and the doctor walked into the room. He was an old man who was stumbling in his steps a bit. Stanley’s first impression of the man was that this geezer should retire already. 

“Stanley Snyder is it?” he asks, his old age evidently affecting his vocal chords to what Stanley could only categorize as the typical old man voice. Stanley nods, suddenly a little nervous. 

“What seems to be the problem Mr. Snyder?” the doctor asks as he types his login into the desktop stationed in the corner of the examination room. 

“Well, uh, lately I’ve been, um, getting this weird pain in my uh, chest?” Stanley said, his statement sounding more unsure and like a question than an actual medical concern. 

“A weird pain in your chest? Can you describe to me where and how does it feel?” the doctor asks kindly before he turns around in his chair to face Stanley. 

“Um it feels like something is I don’t know, burning? Tightening? And it’s around here,” Stanley gestures to his chest. The doctor tells Stanley to go sit on top of the examination table and Stanley obliges. The doctor then proceeds to move his stethoscope so that he can use it to hear Stanley’s heartbeat and breathing. This was standard procedure Stanley knew. The doctor was going to take his blood pressure next and tell him that he’s perfectly fine and that Stanley was developing a small cold which is why his chest hurt. See? Stanley didn’t even need to go to the doctor when he could just diagnose this himself. 

“I want to send you in for an ultrasound,” the doctor says and Stanley is shocked. Aren’t those for pregnant women? Stanley is a man, he can’t get pregnant. 

“Um, why?” Stanley asks. The doctor sits back down in his chair and writes something down on his notepad. 

“What I’m hearing are the uneven breaths of the Hanahaki disease. Have you been coughing up flower petals recently?” the doctor asks and Stanley’s face scrunches up. Coughing up flower petals? What the hell? 

“No.” Stanley is firm in his answer. If something like that happened, Stanley knew for sure that he should be checked out. 

“Hm.” The doctor jots something down. “How long has this pain been going on?”

Stanley isn’t too sure. Afterall, he never thought he needed to keep track of it. He thought it was just something that was going to go away on its own. “A couple of weeks I think.”

“Then it would make sense why you’re not coughing up petals,” the doctor mumbles. 

“Hey what the heck is this Hanaki disease thingy?” Stanley asks. 

“The _Hanahaki_ disease is where flowers grow in the patient’s lung when they experience unrequited love. The symptoms vary between people to people and how much they love someone but only one in a thousand people experience it. Is there someone you love? Romantically of course,” the doctor questions. Stanley doesn’t even have to think about this one.

“No.” The doctor smiles and turns to type something in the computer. 

“Well I still want to make sure that you’re completely alright since I do hear something in your lungs. Last question, do you actively smoke?” This question is something Stanley can answer confidently, even if it’s not a good thing. 

“Yes.” 

“How often?” 

“Maybe two or three cigarettes a day?” Even to Stanley, the amount he smokes sounds bad. It almost makes him want to quit out of shame.

“Well it’s not solid but there are those who think smoking quickens the effects of the Hanahaki disease. Maybe this is why after a few weeks you’re starting to feel symptoms. Here’s the date of your ultrasound,” the doctor hands Stanley a slip of paper and tells him he’s on his merry way. 

“I’ll call you in for an appointment after you’ve done your ultrasound Mr. Snyder.” 

Putting out his cigarette, Stanley tosses it into a nearby trash can and dusts off any potential ashes that caught onto his graduation robe. Xeno offers Stanley some gum. 

“Your breath smells like smoke, you don’t want your mom to find out, remember?” Sighing, Stanley takes the pieces of gum and tosses it into his mouth. The sun was beating down on them and Stanley wanted more than anything to take off his gown. 

“Stan! Xeno! Let’s take a photo of you two together!” Xeno’s dad shouts from the crowd. Suddenly the urge to cough rises in his throat. 

“Hey Xeno you go ahead, tell them I’m going to go to the bathroom and come back alright?” Stanley says, noticing his voice getting hoarse from trying to hold in the cough. 

“Are you alright Stan? Are you sick?” Xeno asks worriedly. Stanley waved him off.

“I’m fine just really gotta pee,” Stanley says quickly before making the mad dash to the restroom, leaving Xeno speechless. 

It must have been a blessing that no one was in the washroom when Stanley barged in. Taking the stall closest to the door, Stanley closes the door and locks it before crouching in front of the toilet bowl. 

After the ultrasound, Stanley already knew the diagnosis before the lady was finished. He knew he had Hanahaki. The initial doctor’s appointment told him so. He noticed how he was crushing on Xeno and how oblivious Xeno seemed to be about it. It might’ve been unconscious at first but Stanley realized that everything he did, it was to gain Xeno’s attention. For Xeno to look at Stanley the way Stanley saw him. The follow up appointment took everything Stanley had to not break down and cry. 

“I can prescribe you medication but the only way this can be cured naturally is for the person you love to reciprocate your love. The other method is to surgically remove it like a tumour,” the doctor said, being nice as he can see Stanley’s watering eyes but is doing his hardest not to let the tears fall. “But surgically removing it will cause you to lose all your emotions. You can’t love anyone anymore is the basis.” 

“But what if I don’t want the surgery or my love isn’t reciprocated?”

“Then you’ll die. You’re in stage one right now so you’ll just be coughing up petals. In stage two, you’ll be coughing up blood with the petals. The last stage, stage three, will be the hardest. You’ll find it hard to breathe and due to that your muscles will start to become unresponsive. After that, you’ll die.” The doctor placed a firm hand on Stanley’s shoulder. “You need to quit smoking son, you’re only shortening your life with it.” 

But Stanley couldn’t stop. He was addicted and he didn’t know how else he should deal with his feelings for Xeno. So he smoked and smoked, enjoying how it eased the tense pain in his chest. Smoking was his comfort activity and he couldn’t get rid of it. Even if he tried, he’d just go right back to it. He’s going to die anyways, what’s the harm in speeding up the process. But that didn’t mean that he wasn’t scared to die.

Stanley coughed into the toilet bowl and a mixture of petals fell from his lips. This has been happening for a few months now. The petals varied in size and colour (though most of them are white, pink and red) fluttered from his mouth and into the water. Stanley didn’t know enough florology to know which flowers the petals belonged to. Well it didn’t matter did it? 

The coughing continued for another couple of minutes and Stanley silently begged himself to stop. That the longer he took the more suspicious Xeno would be and come check on him. He can’t let Xeno see himself like this. Not in this pitiful state. 

Then, something left his lips with the petals, shocking Stanley. A single drop of blood fell from his lips and tainted the water a light pink. Stanley was going into stage two. 

When the coughing seized and Stanley could gain control over himself again, he took some toilet paper to wipe his mouth and tossed it into the toilet before flushing it. 

How long was he in the washroom for? He should hurry up. Lazily washing his hands, Stanley left the washroom and jogged towards where his family was. A couple of people, mainly friends of Stanley tried to stop him and have a conversation with him but Stanley ignored them, telling them he needed to be somewhere first. 

“There you are Stan! Are you alright?” Xeno, of course, notices him first. Stanley wished he didn’t voice out his concern for Stanley out loud because hearing it makes the pain in Stanley’s chest amplified and that his parents didn’t know about the Hanahaki disease. 

“Did something happen Stanley? Should we be worried?” Stanley’s mom asks and Stanley shook his head, assuring them he was okay and that the long ceremony made him really need to use the bathroom.

“Well stand together boys! Last high school photo for the rest of your life!” Xeno’s dad says energetically as Stanley and Xeno’s mom pushed them together for the photo. Smiling through the nearly unbearable pain in his chest, Stanley really thought he was going to pass out from it. 

“I’m kind of sad that high school is over though,” Xeno admits and it surprises Stanley. Stanley can’t even fathom why anyone would miss high school. “You’re going to join the military and I’m going to university. We’re going to be separated.”

Oh right. Stanley decided that with his poor academics, he wasn’t going to get into college so he thought he would enlist in the Marine Corps. His dad was a Marines vet so it eased Stanley a bit that at least his dad would be supportive of his decision. His mom was against the decision at first because she worried Stanley would get hurt or even die. Valid feelings for a mother. Though through many arguments and promises, Stanley said he was going to aim to be a Marine Sniper. 

Xeno on the other hand, was handed an ungodly amount of scholarships to the best schools. In the end Xeno decided to move to California and attend Stanford. Stanley likes to think that Xeno decided that because it has “Stan” in it. It was obvious though, that Xeno was going to attend post secondary and get a higher education and Stanley wasn’t. Nothing can stop this science nerd from getting smarter. Stanley has no doubts that Xeno will land a spot at his dream job as a NASA scientist. 

Being a private in the Marines was tougher than Stanley ever expected. He knew he was athletic but it was nothing compared for the strength he needed to get through training. The “gas chambers” where they spray tear gas at you while you break your gas mask was the worst of it. The drill sergeants were ruthless too, sparing no one during the initial training. But Stanley managed to make a good reputation out of himself. A couple of Majors were impressed with him and commended for his natural skill and determination. 

Most importantly though, it seems that Stanley’s Hanahaki is slowing down. Ever since he joined, he noticed how he was coughing up flower petals less and less blood was being coughed up. Not that they weren’t still happening because they were, but it was less frequent. The pain was still present though and really posed a problem to Stanley during runs. It was harder to hide it in the military too. If anything though, Stanley is glad that it’s slowing down even with his smoking habit. 

“Congratulations on your promotion Snyder,” someone called out from their bed when Stanley entered the bunker. Stanley was promoted to the rank of Lance Corporal. It was still a relatively low rank compared to the rank General Stanley wanted as a commissioned soldier but it was the rank that Stanley could enroll in at a Marines Sniper School. 

Stanley was good at everything in Marines Corps but he was the best marksman out of the Private First Class and by a long shot. He could shoot a target whether he was moving or the target was moving. Stanley was proud of himself. He knew that he would finally graduate at the of a class. He suddenly knew why Xeno might’ve enjoyed high school.

It was getting harder and harder to concentrate from his place in the tree. He was given a target to snipe as his first mission since graduating from the Marines Sniper School but the rising cough in his throat was forcing Stanley to cut off his own oxygen supply. Every once in a while, Stanley lets a small cough through, making sure none of the petals fall from his spot and expose his position. 

Just yesterday, Stanley found out what caused his Hanahaki to slow down. Being so busy in the military caused Stanley to think of Xeno less and therefore slowing down the flowers growing in his chest. But, when Stanley made the call yesterday to Xeno about how he’s going to be visiting him right when spring break started so that they could go home together, Stanley had to end the call short and run to the bathroom, shocking people on his run there. 

That was probably the most violent session Stanley had to endure. Just endless petals fell from his lips and blood fell like vomit. Stanley knew he didn’t have a lot of time left. But when he witnessed the sight of the toilet bowl, filled with flower petals and the red of the water, Stanley wanted一needed一to cry. He needed to let his emotions out. But he couldn’t. Not when he was a soldier. Soldiers are strong and crying are for the weak. Stanley wasn’t weak. He wasn’t. He was just hopelessly in love with his best friend and that is what is killing him. Killing him from the inside out.

No one is truly not afraid of death. Stanley thought he wasn’t at first when he had a high mission success rate and he could shoot down his enemies before they even got into position but the flowers and blood that came from his mouth told him differently. That he was really afraid. 

Would Xeno be sad if Stanley died? Would he be mad that what ends him is stupid flowers growing in his lungs because of him and not at enemy lines? Though the thing that hurts Stanley the most is the simple diagnostics of Hanahaki. Flowers growing in the patient’s lung because of unrequited love. Unrequited love. Xeno didn’t love Stanley the way Stanley did. It was so obvious and he should just surgically remove the disease from his lungs. But Stanley didn’t want to stop loving Xeno even when he knew Xeno prized science over everything. How could Stanley compete?! Against science?! The thing Xeno loved more than anything?! 

Tears streamed down Stanley’s eyes as he tried to hold his gasps and hiccups. Xeno always complimented his eyes. He called them the blue of Neptune. At the time Stanley tried to crack a joke asking if his eyes were really more the colour of Uranus. But it only made Xeno go into his long lectures of the planets. It was okay though. It really was. Stanley would do anything to hear Xeno talk. Even if he didn’t know what the heck he was talking about and how Roman gods had anything to do with the planets, he loved the sound of Xeno’s voice. It provided a comfort to his ears that his shitty rap songs couldn't do. Making Xeno create a shitty rap song was concerned but Stanley thought against it. He wasn’t interested in listening to quantum physics. Besides there is something pure when Xeno’s excited to talk about something. 

“I think your eyes are a mix of Uranus and Neptune,” Xeno concluded.

“What?” 

“Your eyes aren’t as light as Uranus and they’re not as dark as Neptune’s. They’re an elegant shade of blue though. I think if artists in the Renaissance saw the colour of your eyes, they’d stop at nothing to achieve paint that is the same colour,” Xeno says and Stanley has to tighten the drawstrings in his hoodie to cover his blushing face. 

“I thought you were a science nerd, not an art nerd,” Stanley says.

“I am a scientist, thank you very much. Though I do know some things about the Renaissance thanks to its boom in both sciences and art. Did you know Galileo Galilei, the man who created the telescope, was a part of the Renaissance era? The High Renaissance to be exact.” Through the little hole Stanley left for his nose, he watches Xeno take a seat at his desk. 

“No I don’t know this Galeo man,” Stanley says, purposely butchering the man’s name. It was becoming Stanley’s brand to screw up the names of scientists Xeno studied. Galileo was one of Xeno’s obsessions when he was in fifth grade. Learning that he created the first telescope, he forced Stanley into making a telescope with him. That telescope was still in his room. As years passed, Stanley went from butchering scientists’ names for fun to doing it out of jealousy. How could these dead males get so much of Xeno’s love and he couldn’t? What made Stanley inferior to them? That he wasn’t as smart as them? That he didn’t discover or invent something revolutionary?

“Well Leonardo Da Vinci, the artist who painted the Mona Lisa was quite the scientist himself. His sketchbooks had numerous sketches of scientific inventions. Some say he had the earliest designs of an aircraft.”

“Di Caprio you mean,” Stanley says. Xeno is rarely confused with factual things. “Leonardo Di Caprio painted the Mona Lisa. Da Vinci is the actor in the Titanic. You know, Jack. Man, I can’t believe you got those two mixed up. Rookie mistake.”

“Stan, Leonardo Di Caprio is the actor.”

Any day... Stanley knew that any day he would enter stage three and he would die. Best case scenario, die in Xeno’s arms. Worse case scenario, die on the floor of the washroom or up in a tree on a mission like how he was now. But he wasn’t in stage three. Not yet anyways. So he fires his shot and assassinated his target. “Mission complete,” he says into his radio.

Stanley noticed, as he was walking through the airport in his uniform, that he’s getting weaker. His bag, that wasn’t as heavy as it was when he left the base, felt like a thousand tons. Stanley also had to take a number of trips to the washroom to cough up some petals and blood. Just how much had the flowers grown in his lungs? It’s only been a year since he entered stage two but stage three wasn’t supposed to happen until roughly two years after the first symptoms of the second stage. Has smoking sped up his demise by a year? 

Stanley has been contemplating his choices for a while. Should he tell Xeno about Hanahaki? Confess to him (and get rejected and die of shame instead)? Or should Stanley take this secret with him to his death bed? He already refused to surgically remove it because Stanley didn’t want to lose the ability to love. As a soldier, it was a great thing to have but to sacrifice it would mean he would have to stop loving Xeno too which hurt Stanley more than the pain in his chest. Either way, Stanley knows that stage three acts faster than the first two stages. By faster, that meant stage three could kill him in five days. 

During the entire flight Stanley was nervous about meeting Xeno for the first time since he was enlisted. But at the same time, he was excited. Finally, Stanley will be reunited with his love, even if he doesn’t love him back. Ten hours across the country was too long for Stanley. He wants nothing more than to be right at the university to greet Xeno right when classes end.

What should he do when he greets Xeno? Give him a hug? Kiss on the cheek? Or would that be too much? A handshake? No, they’ve never been the handshake type. Stanley winced and he had to grip the armrest to prevent himself from fainting. Stanley had to, no, needed to stop worrying about this because the longer he thinks about it the more intense the pain in his chest would feel. From a burning and tightening feeling, the pain progressed into a purely suffocating pain. As if it was the stem of roses that wrapped around his blackened lungs. 

Stanley was used to being stared at in uniform. Whenever his squad went into town for some grub, there was always some old guy thanking them for their service. One time when Stanley was alone though, some middle aged couple began to accuse him of stolen valour. Stanley wanted to knock some sense right into their thick skulls. Some of his roommates said it was because he was hot and that was why everyone goes and talks to him. But Stanley thought it was nonsense. However, the more female students that walked by him in the parking lot, staring at him before giggling to their friends, the more uncomfortable it made him feel. He wasn’t here to snag a date with a student. He was here for his best friend. None of these girls mattered to him. 

“Stan!” Embarrassingly for Stanley, it was Xeno who spotted Stanley first. The former ran up to him and gave him a hug which surprised Stanley so much that it takes him everything he has not to fall over. Xeno wasn’t heavy, in fact it looks like Xeno has lost weight in the past years and the dark circles under his eyes were clear as day.

“Have you been sleeping Xeno? Eating? Shit man, you look like a completely different person. Is university that harsh on you?” Stanley asks, as Xeno lets go of him. 

“Actually the opposite. Classes for me are really easy so I tend to do my own projects in between. Recently I’ve been staying up late in the chemistry lab conducting some experiments my professor allowed me to do,” Xeno explains but it doesn’t stop the worry in Stanley. While Stanley was out in the military, he let his best friend’s health go to waste like this? And Stanley thought with his training he could protect Xeno in the future? What a joke.

“Well get some rest, you look like a ghost,” Stanley said, trying to hide his concern with an insult. That was his style after all. Be nice then insult your crush. 

“And you on the other hand, still look skinny after a year in the military. What are they even feeding you?” Stanley in fact had muscle until he hit the third stage. It was all in such a rapid succession that Stanley didn’t even notice. Well, it wasn’t like Stanley was as jacked as some of the guys in his squad. 

Dodging the question, Stanley suggested he stop at Xeno’s place before heading home for the spring break. A rising cough situated itself in Stanley’s throat, panicking Stanley. Not here, not now. Definitely not in front of Xeno. But he didn’t know where to cough it up without raising suspicions from the other man. All Stanley could do was hope that he could keep the petals in long enough to reach Xeno’s place.

On the flight to Stanford, Stanley didn’t feel an ounce of motion sickness. He never did. He always played games on his phone on road trips and he never got vertigo. But now that he was on a bus with Xeno, going to his place, Stanley feels as if he would throw up. 

Clutching the strap of his bag until his knuckles went pure white was the only thing Stanley could do to prevent himself from doubling over. It was like the pain in his chest divided itself in two and travelled up to Stanley’s head. Just how much did this disease had to fuck with him? He’s already dying from it. He already knows that Xeno doesn’t love him back. How much more is it going to make him suffer? 

“Have you quit smoking?” Xeno asks, trying to make small talk. 

“Nope. Still chain smoking that elegant stuff,” Stanley loved to piss Xeno off by putting his favourite word, elegant, on things he wouldn’t consider elegant. 

“That is not elegant Stan and you know it.” Mad Xeno was a cute Xeno. Stanley would happily let that kill him instead. 

_“Ha ha fuck_ ,” Stanley thought to himself. “ _Am I really going to die because Xeno doesn’t love me? Am I letting this disease win?”_ Stanley wished the bus would reach their destination faster. Motion sickness on top of having weakened muscles, coughing up petals and blood and a constant pain in his chest? This disease is doing it’s darn best to kill Stanley Snyder. But Stanley wasn’t going to give in. Not in front of Xeno at least. Thankfully the bus arrives at Xeno’s stop and the two of them exit the bus. But on the step down, Stanley stumbles and crashes into Xeno. 

“Woah are you alright?” Xeno asks, concerned laced in his voice. Stanley nods weakly before regaining his balance. 

“Yeah, I recently started to get motion sickness. Must be the ridiculously long flights I have to go on all the time,” Stanley lies. He knows exactly what’s wrong and he fears it. He’s beginning to lose the control of his muscles. 

Xeno wasn’t convinced and instead held out his hand. Stanley tilted his head to the side in confusion. “Your bag,” Xeno demanded. “I’m going to carry your bag for you.” 

Stanley chuckles. “Careful it’s heavy,” he says as he hands it over to Xeno. Surprisingly though, despite Xeno being pretty physically weak, he takes the bag no problem.

“Wow have you been going to the gym recently? I’m impressed,” Stanley says following Xeno towards his apartment complex. 

“What do you mean? No, I haven’t been going to the gym at all. Your bag is just really light,” Xeno says slinging it over one shoulder as he carries his own school bag in his hand. Stanley furrowed his eyebrows. He can’t be that weak already. He only noticed it less than twelve hours ago. 

The walk was more physically draining than Stanley could ever imagine. Not to mention, walking besides Xeno only fired up his urge to cough up petals.

“How much further?” Stanley asks, feeling that it was getting harder and harder to breathe.

“Just around the corner.” Stanley can only hope so.

The walk lasted another five minutes and Xeno filled that time with talking about his classes. He says despite the outrageous prices on tuition, university was a good investment for him. Stanley is glad that Xeno is enjoying himself. But there was something that was bugging Stanley. Usually his best friend couldn’t wait to talk and often just talked and talked until he couldn’t anymore. He would talk about anything and everything but now, he’s only talking about things that Stanley knows Xeno doesn’t really care about. He especially hasn’t heard anything about the corrupt government that ruled their country. Xeno always has something to say about that. Has a year made them grow this far apart? 

If Stanley wasn’t doing his goddamn best not to vomit blood and petals he would’ve been more interactive or at least enjoyed the neighbourhood. Thinking about Xeno made everything so much more worse. When Xeno finally tells Stanley that they’re there, Stanley was ready to run to the washroom to throw up the shitty petals and blood that clogged his throat and pass the fuck out. Xeno’s apartment complex was small and required a passcode to get in. Stanley silently groaned to himself, in both agitation and in pain.

Xeno unlocks the door to his apartment and invites Stanley in. Once he closes the door, he asks Stanley if he’s alright. He stands at the door, arms crossed and a stern expression. 

“Yeah, I’m alright. Just tired from travelling,” Stanley lies as he enters the living room. Pathetically small to be honest, the couch takes up most of the room. 

“Stop lying to me.” 

“But I’m not lying to you.”

“Yes you are and you know it!” Xeno raising his voice startled Stanley. “You’ve been lying to me for years now! What happened to telling your best friend everything?” The word friend must’ve triggered something in Stanley because he couldn’t hold it in any longer. The flower petals and blood got everywhere on Xeno’s floor and Stanley is embarrassed that it even happened. But it doesn’t make him stop coughing up the blood and petals. 

Stanley doesn’t even realize Xeno’s by his side until Stanley stops and topples over into his arms, too weak to move. Maybe this is it. 

“How long…” Xeno asks, tears welling up in his eye. Stanley weakly looks up into Xeno’s dark eyes that reminded him so much of space. “How long Stan? How long did you have Hanahaki? What stage are you in?” Huh, so Xeno knew about Hanahaki. Well that’s not too surprising since Xeno knew a lot of medical terms and diagnostics. 

“Th-Thr-Three,” Stanley manages out. Coughing up the blood and petals made his voice hoarse. Xeno’s eyes widened in complete shock.

“Who Stan?! Who are you in love with?! Or you know what, I’m going to call the ambulance. I’m going to have them surgically remove it before it’s too late.” Xeno tries to gently move Stanley off of him but Stanley stops him, grabbing his collar. 

It’s now or never Stanley Snyder. Don’t die without confessing your feelings. It’s killed you so far, don’t let it give you the finishing blow. 

“Xe-Xeno, I,” Stanley croaks out. Xeno’s tears are streaming down his face. He's shaking his head, trying to tell Stanley to stop acting foolish and to let him call the ambulance. _Foolish huh, maybe I am that_ , Stanley thought as he pulls Xeno down and kisses him. His eyes are wide and stunned. Stanley could stare into his eyes forever. As dark as they were, they were beautiful and everything that Stanley loved. Stanley can see his own Uranus-Neptune coloured eyes in the reflection. “I love you,” Stanley whispers, his eyelids growing heavy. There, he has nothing more to do. He can die in peace. 

“Stan I love you too so please don’t die!” Xeno cries out, completely sobbing at this point. Stanley can feel himself slipping away. 

But Stanley never completely slipped away. It felt like a Disney movie really. All the aches and tiredness slowly removed itself from Stanley’s body. The constant paint that was in his chest was also gone. Was he dead? 

His eyes open and the first thing that lands in his eyes are tears. Stanley looks up to see Xeno, tears falling like waterfall down his cheeks. Xeno was sobbing his heart out as petals and blood surrounded them. An ugly romantic scene really. Stanley raises his hand, noticing that it wasn’t hard to do so anymore. His palm touches Xeno’s cheek and the moment it does, Xeno’s eyes fly open. 

His mouth flies agape and Stanley chuckles, noting that the pain in his chest really was gone. “You better close it or else a spider is going to crawl in.” Xeno didn’t move for a moment and Stanley was concerned that he died of shock. But, the next succession of movements were a blur but all Stanley knew was that Xeno was on top of him, hugging him like Stanley was going to leave and never return. 

“I love you Stanley I love you so much. Please, please, please,” Xeno cries out and Stanley chokes up a bit too, wrapping his arms around Xeno. “I’m sorry I didn’t love you sooner and I’m sorry you had to go through all that.” So the damn disease lied. Xeno did love Stanley. It almost got away with it too. Stanley should’ve blown up a balloon in the shape of the middle finger using his nicotine addicted lung with the words ‘I gave you an advantage to kill me but you couldn’t. Ha Ha motherfucker.’

But that was for another time. Right now, Xeno was huggin Stanley, repeating over and over again how sorry he was for not loving Stanley sooner. Stanley is sorry too. Not for loving Xeno of course. He would never be sorry for that. But he was sorry that he broke his promise to tell Xeno everything. From this day forward, Stanley will never hide anything from him anymore. Pressing his face into Xeno’s nape, Stanley tried to hide the tears that fell from his own eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I love you Xeno.”

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: @eliem_e


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